


Been Through

by Dianascanary



Series: BlackPink In Your Area [1]
Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Children, F/F, Girl Penis, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Love Triangles, Out of Character, Reader-Insert, Romance, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 11:06:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25469746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dianascanary/pseuds/Dianascanary
Summary: Y/N has been taking care of her four year old by herself. She did everything she had to make sure her daughter never wanted for anything. And she had planned to do that for the rest of her life, but Lisa Manoban and Jennie Kim have other plans.Y/N has to make a decision: Lisa or Jennie?
Relationships: Jennie Kim/Reader, Lalisa Manoban | Lisa/Reader
Series: BlackPink In Your Area [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1844881
Comments: 1
Kudos: 89





	1. I've paid enough of petty dues

_Been about three years since I dated you. Why you still talking 'bout me like we together? I moved on for the better. You moved on to whoever. ___

__You sighed heavily to yourself. Lily please don't do this to me today, you thought as you wrestled the denim jacket onto your stubborn four year old._ _

__Lily only stared blankly at you as though she read your mind, but simply didn't give a shit._ _

__Her brunette bangs flopped into her eyes, and normally she'd immediately bat them away, but moving would mean helping you get on her clothing, something she was simply not too keen to do at the moment._ _

__You could practically feel her resisting the urge to twitch. Her eyes were turning red, and her hands were balled into tiny fists. All of this just because she didn't want to wear a stupid jacket._ _

__Lily was stubborn. Just like her other...parent._ _

__You swallowed harshly at the thought of Lily's....sperm donor. You're not sure if it's out of sadness or anger._ _

__When you're finally done putting the finishing touches on Lily's outfit, you stood up and grabbed your purse. Lily could be heard frantically swatting at her bangs behind you._ _

__"Come on, Lil. Time to go." The four year old grabbed your hand without hesitation, even though she still seemed to be mildly irritated with you._ _

__"Where we going?"_ _

__You chuckled lightly as you locked your front door. Your precious baby. So sweet, but she had a horrible attention span._ _

__"You know where we're going, baby. We're going to Whole Foods to get some groceries, then we're going to go pick out fish for your new tank."_ _

__Lily started to jump excitedly, "Yay! Fishies!"_ _

__Getting her into her carseat had proven to be easier than you thought, with all the excited squirming and all._ _

__Fish were certainly a big deal to her, but grocery shopping was a big deal to you. You're an adult. Your problems are different than a four year olds. Who would've thought?_ _

__Grocery shopping was easily the bane of your existence. You didn't have to do it very often because it was only the two of you and you normally bought 2/3rds of the store when you went, but that didn't make it any less stressful._ _

__You make it to Whole Foods sooner than you'd like. Lily is eager to get the shopping done and over with so she can get to her fish quicker. She has the right idea._ _

__You throw your own denim jacket into the cart, Lily's small giggles erupting from where it landed._ _

__"Where should we start first, Dancing Queen?"_ _

__Lily hummed lightly, her finger tapping her chin, "Fruit, Mommy. I want strawberries."_ _

__You nodded easily, heading over to the produce section. While Lily attempted to steal loose strawberries, you rummaged around in your purse for the grocery list you had made earlier in the week._ _

__"You like strawberries? So do I." A voice said from somewhere near you. You normally wouldn't let strangers interact very long with Lily, but you're in Whole Foods. What could possibly go wrong?_ _

__"My Mommy says I'm not 'posed to talk to strangers." Lily said, rather brattily you might add._ _

__"What if I told you, your Mommy and I aren't strangers?"_ _

__You glanced up from your purse at that, "No, I'm pretty sure we are stra-" Your voice cut out in shock. You're definitely not looking at a stranger._ _

__"Hello, Y/N." The voice is so recognizable you're not even sure how you missed it._ _

__"Jennie? What are you doing in LA?" Your question came out frantic, probably because that's how you felt._ _

__Jennie Kim was definitely no stranger. In fact, she was the complete opposite._ _

__Jennie's your ex._ _

__Jennie ignored your question for the time being. Instead, she eyed your daughter curiously, "How old is she?"_ _

__"Jennie-"_ _

__"How old is she, Y/N?"_ _

__"She turned four last month." You practically whispered._ _

__Jennie only nodded before clenching her jaw slightly._ _

__"YG had us move here a few months ago."_ _

__Your chest skipped a beat at the word 'us'. That meant she wasn't alone. That meant all those things you tried to outrun four years ago are finally catching up with you._ _

__"Oh."_ _

__"Yeah..."_ _

__"My name is Lily. Who are you? Why do you know my Mommy?"_ _

__Jennie looked back at you as if asking what was appropriate to say, you were in no position to speak at the moment._ _

__"Lily. That's a beautiful name. My name is Jennie. Your Mommy and I used to be good friends." Jennie blinked harshly and spoke slowly._ _

__Lily nodded along, that was all she needed._ _

__"Rosé and Jisoo miss you. You should call them and hang out."_ _

__She's missing someone and you wondered if she left her out on purpose. You're too pussy to ask._ _

__"Do you all have the same numbers?"_ _

__Jennie stuffed her hands in her pockets, "Yeah, but you're going to have to unblock mine."_ _

__It's petty. You both know it, but you deserved it and Jennie couldn't bring herself to care either way._ _

__"I'm sorry, Jennie."_ _

__That seemed to break her general silence._ _

__"You slept with my best friend. I don't know if your kid is mine or hers."_ _

__You rolled your eyes so hard, you're pretty sure they got stuck in the back of your head for a moment._ _

__The claim was old and tired. The two of you had resolved that little discrepancy back in Korea._ _

__"Can we not do this right now?"_ _

__"Now's as good a time as any...I thought we were okay, Y/N. I thought we had fixed all of our problems. Then, you just up and left."_ _

__You don't have the mental capacity to continue this conversation._ _

__"I had to do what was best for us. I loved you, I really did, but there was just too much riding on us working out. I couldn't do that to you or myself. So, I left."_ _

__Jennie shook her head, "You could have talked to me about it."_ _

__"Jennie. Look, I love you, but we were just not going to work back then."_ _

__Jennie looked like she was about to speak again, but decided against it, her eyes drifted back to Lily's hazel ones._ _

__"Fine. But please call me sometime soon. Maybe we can have a less hostile conversation over dinner._ _

__"Yeah, maybe."_ _

__With one last look at Lily, Jennie turned around and resumed her own errands._ _

__Yes, another reason to hate grocery shopping. Sometimes you run into your ex-girlfriend in the produce section and she asks you the really hard questions. Hate when that happens._ _


	2. Did the heartbreak change me

_Don't show up, don't come out. Don't start caring about me now. Walk away, you know how. ___

__Lily poked at the bag of fish with a curiously sticky finger. You had told her to stop, lest she stress out the fish, but telling a four year old to do anything only yielded a 45% positive result._ _

__You were barely in the house 10 minutes before your phone rung. You made the mistake of answering without looking at the caller ID._ _

__"Hello?"_ _

__"Hey, Y/N." Rosé's voice is soft, a lot less accusatory than Jennie's was. That was something you greatly appreciated._ _

__"Hi, Chae."_ _

__There was a pause on the other end. Then, Chaeyoung started to frantically whisper something to someone else. You raised an eyebrow, but before you could question anything, she spoke to you again._ _

__"Let's meet up for coffee."_ _

__You feel as those you don't really have a choice, "That sounds...nice."_ _

__Lily is happy to spend some time with her babysitter, while you go out. You assumed she's a bit tired of just you all the time. And surprisingly, that doesn't make you feel bad._ _

__The coffee shop is some out of the way hole in the wall. You're not sure how Rosé found it, but you're glad she did._ _

__You laughed as your companion sat down in front of you. The four years hadn't changed much of anything, other than maybe her hair._ _

__"Why are you laughing at me? Do I have something on my face?" She's wearing a mask, so even if she did, you wouldn't be able to tell._ _

__"No. It's just funny to see you without your gaggle of managers, and screaming fans."_ _

__Rosé hummed and took a sip of the coffee you had ordered for her._ _

__"Yeah, we've been let off the leash so to speak. It's great."_ _

__You nodded, then frowned._ _

__"So, Jennie told you."_ _

__"Told me what? That I have a neice that I knew nothing about?" Chaeyoung doesn't seem mad, maybe a tad disappointed but she does well to keep it off of her face._ _

__"...Yeah. Did she tell anyone else?" You're trying to be subtle, but you've never been very good at that._ _

__"You mean did she tell Lisa? I'm sure she overheard. Jennie doesn't whisper." Chaeyoung shrugged._ _

__"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I wanted to stay, I really did, but then I found out I was pregnant and I didn't want to ruin anyone's career with the inevitable scandal that would have been. So I left." Your hands wrung in your lap._ _

__"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."_ _

__"I already told Jennie-"_ _

__"I'm not talking about her."_ _

__"Then who?"_ _

__"Her." Chaeyoung pointed to behind you, toward the entrance of the cafe._ _

__Lisa stood there, searching the place for Rosé probably._ _

__"Why did you invite her?" You snarled._ _

__"I didn't. She follows me around. But she's here and you might as well say what you need to say."_ _

__"I don't have anything to say."_ _

__Lisa spotted Chaeyoung and started to bound over to your table._ _

__"Well then, you have three seconds to come up with something. I don't think she saw you, but she saw me and that's more than enough for her."_ _

__You rolled your eyes and flopped back into the booth._ _

__"Chae! Why'd you leave me alone with-" Lisa's breath caught in her throat. Cutting off her sentence. Her eyes were stuck on you like she had seen a ghost. And maybe, she had._ _

__"Hi, Lisa. You can sit if you want." You said. Only looking halfway up her face._ _

__Lisa didn't move until Chaeyoung yanked her down into the seat._ _

__"Y/N..."_ _

__"In the flesh." This was suddenly terribly awkward._ _

__"Jennie said that you-but I didn't-Y/N?" Lisa seemed more confused than anything. Confusion you could deal with, anger you could deal with, but the underlying layer of sadness it seemed both Lisa and Jennie were harboring is what you couldn't handle. Or rather, didn't want to._ _

__"I had to get away." Your eyes stay glued to the spot just left of Lisa's light brown hair._ _

__"From me?"_ _

__You sighed heavily. Rosé was pretending not to listen if the sounds of Candy Crush coming from her phone was anything to go by._ _

__"No."_ _

__You're not lying. You hadn't been running from Lisa. Not really._ _

__"Then why'd you leave me-us. Why'd you leave us?"_ _

__Your brows knitted together, you figured by now it would have been obvious why you left. Was Jennie meeting your child not explanation enough?_ _

__"Jennie and I broke up. I went to a bar got piss drunk, pushed myself into an early heat, fucked you, then I ran back to Jennie out of guilt, fucked her. Found out I was pregnant like three weeks later. You expect me to stay after that?"_ _

__Lisa stayed silent. Rosé played Candy Crush faster. If that was even possible._ _

__"Jennie had just gotten over the Kai thing. What were people going to think when I showed up pregnant and Dispatch or someone else did a little bit more digging? That would have ended bad for Jennie and even worse for me."_ _

__"And if she's not Jennie's?" Lisa nibbled at her bottom lip. Your eyes traced the movement with a scowl._ _

__"Oh, you wanted a scandal too?"_ _

__Lisa rolled her eyes at that, "You do know, don't you?"_ _

__"The way you said that made me sound like a whore, but, yes I do know. Thank you for the concern." You blew out a breath before grabbing for your purse._ _

__"Wait! That's it? You're not going to tell me?!"_ _

__"No. It won't change anything. Just because we're not in South Korea anymore, doesn't mean the same things won't happen. All four of you are still my friends, but...Lily doesn't need any of that confusion right now."_ _

__"Lily doesn't need that confusion or you don't?" You were wondering how long Rosé was going to stay quiet. You're proud of her for lasting as long as she did._ _

__"I'll see you guys some other time." You stood up from the booth and made to leave._ _

__"Can we at least see her? Hang out like we used to?"_ _

__Your face softened, and your shoulders hunched, "Of course you can. I'm mean, not evil."_ _

__Lisa chuckled at the inside joke, "Cool."_ _

__You turned toward the door once more._ _

__"Y/N!"_ _

__You turned back around._ _

__"You're going to have to unblock my number if you want to arrange that playdate."_ _

__You winced and nodded, "Sorry."_ _

__Lisa only smiled softly, "It's okay."_ _

__~~~_ _

__"You're going to a special type of Hell."_ _

__"What? Why?"_ _

__"Because you have the hots for your friend's ex-girlfriend."_ _

__Lisa scoffed, a bit too loudly, "I don't have the hots for Y/N."_ _

__"Do you think I'm stupid? You know what? Don't answer that. Anyway, all I know is that you like Y/N, and so does Jennie. Though, she's a bit too pissed to realize it at the moment."_ _

__Lisa crossed her arms, her eyes never left their spot on the door that you had just left through._ _

__"I don't like her. Like that."_ _

__"Then why'd you sleep with her?" Rosé asked as she typed furiously. She was currently fielding questions from Jisoo on their whereabouts._ _

__"That was four years ago. She was in heat. We were both drunk. It was pretty hard to fight my instincts."_ _

__"That's not the only thing that was hard." Rosé mumbled._ _

__"Chae!"_ _

__"All I'm saying is drunken minds speak sober thoughts."_ _

__Lisa rolled her eyes at her company._ _

__"Whatever."_ _


	3. Hate is on me

_(Uh) And that's a long ass ride. Mindlessly going around until I close my eyes. ___

__"You need friends."_ _

__"You're not my friend?"_ _

__"No. I'm your nanny. You pay me. I can't be your friend. That's like prostitution or something."_ _

__You paused in your vegetable chopping for a beat, "Yeah. And I don't associate with people who are as dumb as rocks, so maybe you have a point."_ _

__"Hey! I heard that."_ _

__"Not like I whispered it."_ _

__Lily's nanny, Kiara, scowled at you, she covered Lily's ears dramatically._ _

__"You're a bitch, you know that?" Lily attempted to wiggle out of the hold._ _

__"I'm mean, not evil."_ _

__"What does that even mean?"_ _

__You blinked in surprised. It completely slipped your mine that she wouldn't understand the reference. That was between you and Lisa._ _

__"Sorry. Inside joke."_ _

__Kiara only shrugged. She tickled Lily's sides before letting the four year old run off deeper into the house, more than likely on her way to the playroom._ _

__"So, how was your date?" Kiara leaned on the counter next to where you were still preparing dinner._ _

__"It wasn't a date."_ _

__"You meeting a girl for coffee? Sounds like a date to me." Kiara crossed her arms in front of herself._ _

__"You're not my friend, remember? Even if it was a date. I wouldn't tell you."_ _

__"If you didn't pay me so well, I would've quit ages ago."_ _

__"Oh! That's all I have to do to get rid of you?! I could've been saving money this entire time."_ _

__"Fuck you."_ _

__"You're not my type."_ _

__"Anyway."_ _

__"Are you staying for dinner?" You asked._ _

__"Nope. I actually do have a date." Kiara smirked then went to grab her belongings._ _

__"Ok. Have fun! Please don't get murdered. Lily would be highly upset."_ _

__"Haha! Bye bye, Boss." With that Kiara pranced out of the door._ _

__You laughed to yourself, before continuing to make dinner for you and your child._ _

__~~~_ _

__"So, how long are you going to pretend like you're mad at Y/N?" Jisoo jumped on top of Jennie who had been resting peacefully under the covers of her bed._ _

__"What are you talking about?"_ _

__"Oh don't play that game with me."_ _

__Jennie rolled her eyes._ _

__"What is it that you think you know?"_ _

__"I know that you're still in love with Y/N. I know that you're being stubborn and acting like she's the devil incarnate. I know that Lisa has a "playdate" with Y/N and the rugrat in like the next week. I know that if you keep being an asshole you're going to get left in the dust, and regret that you didn't even try to fix things." Jisoo spoke softly, her concern lay with both of her members. She wasn't picking sides, but Jennie's sulking was starting to get on her nerves._ _

__"What if the kid isn't mine?"_ _

__"So what? The kid isn't yours, you mate with Y/N, you're a stepmom. Big whoop." Jisoo quite frankly didn't understand the problem. Her and Rosé were omegas, it was kind of their natural instinct to be fine with children no matter the source._ _

__"You wouldn't get it. It's an alpha thing I guess." Jennie huffed. In all honesty, she didn't really care if Lily was hers or Lisa's. She more cared about the fact that if she pursued you again that her heart would get shattered to peices. Just like the first time._ _

__"That's dumb. You're dumb. If you like the girl, go get the girl. I'm not above singing Kiss The Girl from The Little Mermaid directly into you ear until you call her." Jisoo poked a finger into Jennie's side, causing her to squirm._ _

__"Fine. I'll call her."_ _

__"Good. I'm going to go bother Lisa so no one assumes I'm picking sides."_ _

__With that Jisoo left, leaving Jennie to stare blankly at her shining phone screen._ _

__~~~_ _

__Blackpink were on a break at the moment. Which was good for you because it meant their schedules weren't nearly as full as they might have been otherwise._ _

__But it was also very, very bad, because it meant that they were bored, and you were their closest friend this side of the Pacific Ocean._ _

__Lisa sat crisscrossed on the floor of your house. Lily was attempting to teach her this game she had made up about five minutes before that made absolutely no sense. You commend Lisa for being a good sport._ _

__"Lily, do you know who BlackPink are?" You're not sure if that was Lisa's curiosity getting the better of her or if she finally got bored of the incoherent game._ _

__"The colors. Yes. I know them. I am smart like my Mommy. Would you like me to spell them for you?" You were pretty sure Lily didn't know how to spell either of those words, but you were pretty excited to see what she came up with._ _

__"Not the colors, Silly." Lisa poked at Lily's sides, making the child giggle loudly, "I mean the music group."_ _

__"No. I only listen to Baby Shark. It's my favorite. Did BlackPink make Baby Shark!?" Lily's eyes widened in awe._ _

__"No. But I gave it the performance of a lifetime once." Lisa mumbled that last part to herself, but you heard it and let out an almost identical giggle to your daughter's._ _

__"You want to dance with me?" Lily nodded so fast you had to grab her head so she wouldn't give herself whiplash._ _

__Lisa smiled in return and grabbed her phone. You assumed she was procuring a playlist._ _

__You recognized the first song almost immediately, and can't help but feel like she did it on purpose. It was, after all, your favorite._ _

__"Kick It? Really?"_ _

__Lisa put her hands up in mock surrender, "I pressed shuffle."_ _

__Lisa most definitely did not press shuffle._ _

__Soon both Lisa and Lily are deep in the throws of their dance party._ _

__There's a knock at your door, and you frown. You hadn't been expecting anyone else, but again the girls were bored so you wouldn't be surprised if it was Rosé or Jisoo._ _

__You opened the door without any further thought._ _

__"Jennie?"_ _

__At this point you're sure you were a serial killer in a past life. What else could explain the misfortune you're experiencing in this one?_ _

__Jennie and Lisa and your kid...._ _

__You stifled a scream deep in your throat._ _

__"Hey."_ _

__"Hey."_ _

__Jennie raised a skeptical eyebrow, "Can I come in?"_ _

__"....Sure." You hoped your anxiety wasn't as palpable as you thought it was._ _

__Jennie entered with something close to a smile. A smile that turned into....not a smile when she walked fully into your living room._ _

__"Hey, Jennie!" Lisa greeted, she didn't stop dancing, and neither did Lily._ _

__"You gonna join them? I have a feeling they won't stop until Lisa's phone dies or one of them does. Whichever comes first."_ _

__Jennie eyed you for a second, then turned back to the duo in front of her. After a second she shrugged, "Might as well."_ _

__You laughed as the three of them bounced unceremoniously around your livingroom for a good 25 minutes before something occurred to you._ _

__You had blatantly lied to Lisa's face._ _

__You didn't know which one of them was Lily's mom. It, of course, had to be one of them. Unless you were the virgin mary. You had only ever had sex with two people, and that was Jennie and Lisa._ _

__You could have told Lisa the truth. You could have if you were fine with looking like a slut, but you weren't, so you lied._ _

__When you first found out you were pregnant you had just assumed you would have just known when Lily was born. Mother's intuition or something, but that didn't happen. You couldn't just look at her and tell. She looked like a smaller version of you. Your own mother joked that you had cloned yourself._ _

__So, no, you didn't know. And now, four years later, you're too afraid to find out._ _

__You decided to let the three of them tire out, while you went to your room to think._ _

__You would have thought you'd hear the footsteps following you, but you were lost in your thoughts and Jennie was sneaky when she wanted to be._ _

__You sat on your bed, Jennie appeared in the doorway a second later. She didn't say anything._ _

__"Why are you here?" You asked._ _

__"I wanted to talk to you. I didn't know Lisa would be here today."_ _

__You dragged your eyes up to her face, "Then talk."_ _

__Jennie moved to sit next to you on the bed._ _

__"I'm sorry. I've been an ass. I was mad, for the wrong reasons and I was taking it out on you the other day in the store."_ _

__"I just up and left with a kid. You're allowed to be mad about that."_ _

__"I know. That's not what I was talking about."_ _

__Jennie doesn't elaborate and you don't ask her to._ _

__"Well, I accept your apology."_ _

__"Thanks." Jennie turned to face you better, "I do still want to talk more over dinner."_ _

__"Kid or no kid?"_ _

__Jennie chuckled, "I'll let you dictate that."_ _

__"No kid it is, then." You both laugh, though, you're being completely serious._ _

__"I missed this." You said softly._ _

__"I missed you."_ _

__Before you can react, Jennie's lips are on yours. Your reflex is to kiss her back and you don't hesitate to appease the instinct._ _

__A few moments later you break apart._ _

__"What was that for?" You asked a bit breathlessly._ _

__Jennie shrugged, "Just wanted to get to you first."_ _

__You blushed a deep red, "Well, I hope it was worth it."_ _


	4. Must be confused about me

_Get ya, get ya, get ya shit together. Girl, I got 20/20 vision, and that's the reason I'ma keep my distance._

"I'm on my way to work now. Just dropped Lily off at preschool......Yes, Mom. I vetted the school extensively. She was on the waiting list since she was 2, so it better be worth it.....Okay. I have to go. Yes....I love you too."

You sighed heavily as you removed the phone from your ear.

Your mother, bless her heart, had a affinity for calling you at inopportune times, such as this one. 

You were running late for a meeting. You don't like to blame your problems on your daughter, but this one was definitely her fault. After only two and half hours she had gotten attached to both Lisa and Jennie (you wish she would have just picked one and made this easier for you) and proceeded to have a mental breakdown when they eventually had to leave.

That mental break had caused the both of you to lose sleep, which meant you slept right through your alarm, causing Lily to be late for the one day a week that she went to preschool, and making you late for work.

And you hated being late for anything.

So, This was all your daughter's fault.

"Howdy, Boss." Your assistant, Max, greeted you as you trudged into your office. He handed you a warm cup of coffee. You took a sip, letting out a satisfied noise.

"Thanks, Max. I needed this."

He smiled, happy to be of service, "No problem, Boss."

You rolled your eyes, "Didn't I tell you to stop calling me 'Boss'? I'm a publisher who works for a publishing firm, I'm not the owner of this building. I don't sign your checks. That's the boss."

Max just shrugged happily. The beta was always infuriatingly happy.

"And stop saying 'howdy'. It makes me upset."

"You got it, Bos-Mrs. Y/LN."

You sat at your desk with another eye roll, "Maxwell. You know I'm not married. Just call me Y/N."

"But-"

"Aht! Call me Y/N."

You glared at the poor boy until he nodded back. You could feel a migraine sneaking up the back of your skull. After mumbling something unladylike in Korean, you set about turning on your computer.

"So, what's on the agenda today, Max-a-million?"

The twenty year old perked up at the question. The weirdo loved organizing and things of the sort. You're pretty sure his favorite part of the work day was when you asked him what you were supposed to be doing.

"Today is Tuesday. You've got a meeting with the boss in twenty minutes. Then, you have a manuscript in your email that I forwarded you. It needs to be approved by lunch. And by then it will be time to pick up Lily, and you can leave for the day."

You nodded slowly, "If a full manuscript needs to be approved in three hours why did you just now send it to me today?"

Max gulped, you watched his Adam's apple bobble in his throat. You felt bad at the look of pure fear on his face.

"I um...I'm sorry. It was only sent to me this morning. I was told that you already knew about it."

You wracked your brain for any mention of a manuscript approval by absolutely anyone you had ever had a conversation with.

You turned to Max, the headache was shifting forward towards your eyes, "No one told me anything. Ugh! Fine. I'll just have to skim. You can go back to your desk. Thanks, Maximus."

The boy scurried out of your office.

You sighed, then opened your email to locate the manuscript.

It was the last email you had been sent, you hurried to click it open and download it onto your computer.

It looked like a normal manuscript. No frilly font. No decorative cover. Just bare and unblemished. Just how you liked it.

Rosès Are Pink

Though, it had an absolutely shit title. That was an easy fix as long as the author didn't get attached.

Speaking of the author. You could tell it was a pen name. C.R. Park. There was no telling who that could be. But if you approved this manuscript then you'd probably be getting to know them a whole lot more.

You read the first line and frowned. Then you read the next. And the next. And the next. And soon your were through the first five chapters. The frown soon turned into an angry glare.

You dug into your cardigan pocket for your phone. You pulled it out and dialed a increasingly familiar number.

"Hel-"

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

"Good morning to you too, Y/N. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE WRITING A BOOK?!"

"I didn't think I needed to?"

"Of course you fucking needed to. I'M IN IT."

"How do you even know that?"

"YOU FUCKING SENT IT TO ME!"

"You can stop yelling now."

"Boss? Are you okay?"

"GET. OUT. MAXIMUM."

"Yes, ma'am."

"I would like to reiterate that I didn't send anything to you. My managers probably did."

"What's the difference? You know I'm a publisher. I was bound to hear of it eventually." You wiped a frustrated hand down your face.

"What's the big deal, Y/N? Did you even read the manuscript?"

"Not all of it."

"Did you like it?"

"Chae, it's magnificent."

"So, what's the problem?

A heavy sigh left your mouth, and with it, your shoulders sag, "I-do you really want to put all of BP's business out there like that?" 'Do you really want to put all of BP's business with me out there like that' is what was really being asked.

"Yeah. The girls and I talked about it for weeks. The group is slowing down and we haven't liked the idea of lying by omission to our fans for awhile now. And I like to write. You don't have to worry anymore. " You could practically hear Chaeyoung's shrug.

"Okay. If you're sure. I hate the title."

Chaeyoung giggled, "So does Lisa. I'll let you fix it. Besides, it's not finished yet."

"You sent me an unfinished manuscript?"

"It doesn't have its happy ending yet."

"And what will that be?"

Chaeyoung paused for a second, "...You tell me."

~~~

"Mommy!" Lily bounded into your arms as soon as she saw you.

You brushed the brunette locks from her eyes and kissed her on the forehead, "Hello, my beautiful baby girl. How was your day today?"

"Good. Miss Taylor let us paint." She bounced in your arms, a semi damp peice of paper in her hands that she wouldn't let you see.

"That sounds like fun. What did you paint?"

"Families."

"Oh?"

"We see Lisa and Jennie today?"

I hope not.

"Not today, sweetheart."

"Oh."

You thought back to the previous day. Lisa was bonding with your kid while you were making out with Jennie on your bed....yep, sounds like you. You had been fine with that turn of events until you stopped kissing Jennie. Well, she stopped kissing you.

She stopped kissing you like she had suddenly remembered she left the stove on at home. You shared a very weird look before she pretty much ran out of your room like a terrified puppy. Or probably, more accurately, someone who just realized they made a mistake.

So, yeah. Now, you weren't so fine with the kiss and you could deal without seeing either of them for a good month.

"Mommy? Why don't I have a daddy or other mommy like the other kids?"

Your kid is trying to kill you. Hmm. What an ironic way to go out.

"Sometimes, kids only have one daddy, or one mommy. Some don't have either at all. But that doesn't make them different or any less special."

"Oh. Okay, " Lily laid her head down softly on your chest. "But I want another mommy. I don't like daddies."

"And you're absolutely valid for that. Mommy doesn't like daddies either."

"I want Jennie or Lisa to be my other mommy."

You had been so close to dodging the fattest bullet in parenting history, but no, your kid really did want you dead.

"We'll see, Dancing Queen. We'll see."


	5. You plus me can be dangerous

_She said you look crazy. Thank you, baby. I owe it all to you. ___

__"So...."_ _

__"What, Lisa?"_ _

__"I was just wondering..."_ _

__"Please just say it."_ _

__"What do you do for your heats?" You were half embarrassed, half....something else. You're surprised she asked and to be honest you were tempted to torture her with the undoubtedly sexy truth. But you decided now wasn't the time to make her suffer._ _

__Besides, you were doing that enough for the both of you. Lisa asking you about your heat had thrust you into a spiral of memories involving Lisa and your heat. And a particular night that several mistakes were made._ _

__"Fuck myself. What do you think I do?" You had changed your mind again. You definitely wanted to tease her with all the details. The look on Lisa's face definitely did not disappoint._ _

__It was comical really. Quite frankly it was your right to mess with her like this. If she wanted to ask intensely personal questions, then she was going to get intensely personal answers. You're not even quite sure what her original angle was, but you're determined to uncover it and hopefully fuck up her thought process._ _

__"Well, I don't know, maybe you're seeing someone." Ohhhhhh! That's what she was getting at._ _

__You almost wanted to laugh. What was going on in your life that could have possibly made her think that you weren't single? Hell, you probably smelled single._ _

__"Maybe."_ _

__Lisa only blinked, the sort of mischievous and shy look she had at first slowly morphed into indifferent jealousy. And again. You wanted to laugh._ _

__"It depends. Most of the time I use my fingers or this fancy dildo I found on a website that shant be named."_ _

__Lisa gulped. Her leg started to bounce on the linoleum of your kitchen floor. Ha. Serves her right._ _

__"Sometimes, when I'm dripping and aching so bad I can't think straight I go find some alpha on the street. And it's never hard. Either I'm irresistible or alphas just really are that easy."_ _

__Lisa's jaw clenched. Her hands wringing themselves restless on the marble countertop._ _

__"But yeah, most of the time I just fuck myself silly." You said as innocently and nonchalantly as you could. You're an asshole, and you're well aware of that fact._ _

__"Y-you think you need any help next time?" Lisa asked without looking you in the eye. Instead she was staring up at the high ceiling._ _

__This just kept getting better and better. For you that is. Probably not for her._ _

__"From you?"_ _

__Lisa shrugged her left shoulder in a minute gesture._ _

__"Maybe."_ _

__"Hmm. I'll think about it." Yes, you were going to think about it long and hard. You got up from the counter and walked back toward the fridge after checking the time._ _

__It was almost time for you to wake Lily up from her nap, so she could eat lunch._ _

__"Why? So, you can weigh your options between me and Jennie?"_ _

__That time you did laugh._ _

__"I haven't talked to Jennie in like a week and half. Congratulations, Ms. Manoban. You might have beat her to the punch on this one." You leaned against the fridge with your arms folded across your chest._ _

__Lisa stood and approached you slowly. Like she was stalking prey or something. When she finally stopped directly in front of you, you became distinctly aware of your height difference. It annoyed you to no end. It always had._ _

__Lisa was only maybe two and a half inches taller than you, but it always felt like an entire foot. And she knew you hated it. It was infuriating. At least Jennie didn't tower over you._ _

__"About time." Your eyes fell to her lips as they formed her words. It doesn't feel like you're moving, you don't think you are until you notice that your lips are as close to hers as they could possibly be without touching. Your heartbeat picked up._ _

__"Mommy! Come here!" You took a harsh step back, and with it, a deep breath to soothe your fast beating heart._ _

__"Duty calls." You said stiffly. It was only then that you realized the hand that had been on your waist a few seconds prior. It had been resting there comfortably if the tingly feeling was anything to go by._ _

__You almost tripped in your haste to get across the room. Your control had almost slipped right through your grasp and that was something you couldn't have._ _

__You paused in the doorway leading to the main hall, "And to think, if you walked a little faster, you could have kissed me."_ _

__Lisa didn't say anything._ _

__You were about to go tend to your daughter before something else you had felt during that...exchange...occurred to you, "Oh, and you might want to take a cold shower before you leave. I can only imagine you'd be a bit uncomfortable if you didn't." You let your eyes drift low onto Lisa's body._ _

__Lisa looked down at herself with a confused frown, then groaned loudly. She turned toward the counter to give herself at least some sort of modesty._ _

__You turned back around and set off in search of your daughter._ _

__Yes. Control. That's what this was all about._ _

__~~~_ _

__

__The truth of the matter was that you were confused. And, yes, obviously you were confused. Duh._ _

__You were stuck inbetween someone who didn't seem to want you enough and someone who maybe wanted you a bit too much._ _

__The thought that some people would simply kill to be in your position was astounding at this point._ _

__How could anyone want this?_ _

__To have the thought of someone's broken heart swaying back and forth over your head like one of those anvils you see in old cartoons. To make sure your daughter's interest was taken into account. To be happy yourself._ _

__It all seemed too far fetched._ _

__Whoever came up with the phrase "victimless crime" was a pathological liar. There were no victimless crimes. Everyone's a victim in some way._ _

__Love, apparently, was your crime of choice. A horrible choice you had made four years ago._ _

__Love._ _

__The same people who thought that this was a desirable situation to be in were also the people who would say choosing should be easy._ _

__Who do you love the most?_ _

__But it wasn't that simple. It was never that simple. Nothing would ever be that simple. Not love for you at least. It's not even really about that! It's about control._ _

__It all leads back to the control._ _

__If you have control you can stay out of trouble. If you have control no one gets hurt. If you have control you won't get your heart broken._ _

__The last time you gave up control? Letting Chaeyoung convince you to talk to Lisa. And the time before that? 4 years prior. That thing that got you pregnant._ _

__So, no. You weren't letting your gaurd down. You weren't losing control._ _

__And maybe that makes you selfish. Or an asshole. Or evil. Whatever. So be it. At least no one will get hurt._ _

__~~~_ _

__"Can we talk?"_ _

__"How did you find me here? It was Chae, wasn't it? I'm going to stop talking to her. She has a big mouth." You were a bit tipsy, you must admit. But, honestly, you deserved it. You're a single mother in LA who's stuck in a love triangle. The least you could do is get shit-faced once in a while._ _

__"It doesn't matter. I just want- no- need to talk to you."_ _

__You looked your companion up and down with a frown. Her hands are shoved in her pockets, and she's looking around the admittedly dingy bar like she much rather be anywhere else but here. Or maybe she's just nervous._ _

__"I thought you were ignoring me."_ _

__"I was- I mean I wasn't! It's-I'm sorry. I fucked up."_ _

__"It's been three weeks Jennie. Kissing a girl and then ditching her for 21 days doesn't exactly make her want to talk to you again surprisingly enough." You took a strong sip of your Long Island iced tea._ _

__"I know. I really am sorry, Y/N. I, um, I really miss you and I've been doing things backwards and I want to be with you and it took me way too long to sort through my emotions and I really like kissing you and I'm still in-_ _

__You hated rambling or at least tipsy you hated rambling so you stopped it the only way you knew how._ _

__With your lips. On Jennie's._ _

__Oh, and don't worry. You're in complete control._ _


	6. What have I become

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only four more chapters to go!

_All that shame and all that danger. I'm hopin' that my love will keep you up tonight._

Things were different with Jennie than they were with Lisa. And sure, that makes sense. They're two different people.

But it went deeper than that.

With Jennie...you were in control, and you were never tricked into losing it. It was one of the reasons your relationship lasted so long in the first place. With Jennie...everything was easy. Palatable, if you will.

Take, right now, for example. 

You were sitting in a restaurant with Jennie. She had asked you out the day she stalked you into that bar. Then she had to do it again the next day when you weren't nearly as drunk because you had promptly forgot she asked you anything at all.

You were mildly put off by the fanciness of the restaurant, but that wasn't cutting into the insurmountable control you had over everything that was happening.

You took a sip of your merlot and frowned. You weren't poor by any means of the word, but you definitely preferred boxed wine over the bottled stuff. You think it has less to do with flavor and more to do with practicality. There's just something satisfying about the novelty of having to use a spigot to access your wine, reminds you of using the water fountain in highschool. Or that water dispenser that was in the break room of your boring office job you had in korea right before you met the girls.

So, yes. With Jennie...things were simple and easy and calm and collected and controllable.

And then there was Lisa.

Lisa.

Lisa.

Lisa.

With Lisa...you experienced the very opposite of everything you experienced with Jennie. It replicated the start of your "relationship". A "relationship" that was born out of loneliness and drunken necessity and maybe even a tiny bit of manipulation. With Lisa...everything was hard. Unpalatable, if you will.

Take, four years ago, for example.

You were sitting in a crowded bar with Lisa, drinking soju like it was your lifeblood. She had brought you there after seeing how broken up you were over your and Jennie's break up. You're pretty sure she didn't have any intention of sleeping with you. She just didn't like seeing you sad.

You were extremely put off by your own whilrwind of conflicting emotions and drunkenness. And your control had crumbled like a sandcastle as soon as Lisa put her hand on your lower back to guide you into the bar.

You had slammed a shot of soju and grimaced. To you, that stuff tasted like how rubbing alcohol smelled. Lisa met you shot for shot. You're still astonished to this day how she never got recognized, or at least no one had voiced that they recognized her. You preferred straight up bourbon to soju. You're not sure why, but hey, too each their own. Something about your conflicting emotions and drinking half your body weight in alcohol had caused you to throw yourself into an early heat. It wasn't due for at least another month. And your ability to make good choices had been turned off hours prior. Lisa was right there and ready and willing and what were you supposed to do? Not let her fuck you into the mattress of some hotel? That simply wasn't an option at the time.

So, yes. With Lisa...things were complicated and hard and conflicting and out of hand and uncontrollable. And, oh God do you hate that.

But enough about Lisa. You're own a date with Jennie. So, enjoy your date with Jennie.

~~~

"You know, when my assistant said I had a meeting, I thought he meant with one of my bosses or clients." You said as she sat in your desk chair.

"I am a client." Chaeyoung pouted. Jisoo who was seated next to her nodded in agreement.

"No, you're a friend."

Chaeyoung's face grew mischievous. It was then that you noticed the notepads and ink pens, her and Jisoo were brandishing.

"Speaking of friends...how'd your date go with Jennie?" As if to emphasize what they were doing, the two clicked their pens in sinc.

"Oh no. I'm not talking about that with you too. This was supposed to be a meeting about the book."

"But this is about the book." Jisoo whined.

"How?!"

"We still need to write the happy ending! And this is apart of that."

"Why don't you write about one of your relationships instead of mine?"

"That's not nearly as entertaining." Chaeyoung said as if it was obvious.

"So, what if I told you that after the date she kissed me goodnight and it was so good I couldn't resist bringing her up to my room for some more fun. And then she slept over and we did it all over again in the morning."

Chaeyoung and Jisoo scribbled in their notes frantically.

"Yes! This is great, keep going."

"Oh. I can't."

"What?"

"I just made all that up. None of that happened."

"What the fuck, Y/N?"

"You wanted a story. So, I gave you one."

Jisoo glared at you while Chaeyoung pouted again.

"You're a liar." Jisoo exclaimed. You think she might snap her pen in half with how hard she's gripping it.

You rolled your eyes, "No. I'm not. I was just messing with you."

"You kind of are tho." Chaeyoung said almost as an afterthought.

"What are you talking about?"

"Okay, well maybe you're not a liar, but you do lie. You told me that you didn't know who Lily's other parent was, but I think you at least have an inkling. You want all of us to believe you don't love one of them over the other, but you most definitely do. I can hear it in the inflection in your voice when you talk about them. You want us to believe that this isn't about who you love, that this is about the "better fit", that this isn't about you, but it is. This is about who you're in love with. It's only one of them. You're kind of obvious. This has nothing to do with who's the better fit. You wouldn't have fallen in love with her if she wasn't. This is all about you, Y/N. Not your daughter, at least, not directly. You make decisions on autopilot when it comes to her because you're a mom. It's what moms do. This is about you and how over the last four years, you've convinced yourself that you're unlovable." Chaeyoung shrugged as she finished her monologue.

Jisoo seemed to be mulling over her member's words just as much as you were. You could practically see the conclusion jumping playing on her face.

"Oh my God! You're in love with-"

"Would you shut the flying fuck up?!" You shouted. You brushed your hands over your face harshly.

"So, maybe you're right. Maybe I do have an _inkling_. I'm her fucking mother of course I have an _inkling_. I fucking see her everyday. I know her personality. I know her likes and dislikes. And she might look like me, but you she sure as hell doesn't act like me. Yes, I want you to believe all those things. Because that's what makes all of this easier. I've never been more stressed out in my life. Not even while I was pregnant. Or that first year after Lily was born. And yes I feel unlovable. I feel yucky and gross. I feel like a whore. You don't get it. I would sit in my apartment, with my feet propped up on the table dreaming about how I wished I could rub them because they hurt so damn bad. But my giant whale of a stomach was in my way because I was growing a fucking person inside of me. You think I've been single these last four years on purpose? You think I don't want my daughter to have a normal fucking family? NO ONE WANTS TO DATE A SINGLE MOM!...Did they even try to contact me after I left?" You stood from your chair, a mistake because your legs felt like jello. But you remained standing even when you realized your makeup was melting from the warm tears you were pouring over it.

"You blocked their numbers-"

"But I didn't block yours."

Chaeyoung promptly closed her mouth.

"Or Jisoo's."

"Y/N-"

"Nope. Just let me yell at you, there's blood on your hands too," You took a deep shuddering breath before speaking again, "Not. One. Call. From any of you. No one even tried. No one called me, or my mom, or my sisters."

"And I know what you're thinking. I obviously didn't want to be found or contacted. But maybe, just maybe, I needed to be."

"After Lily was born, I got diagnosed with postpartum depression. I would look down at the beautiful baby girl in my arms and feel absolutely nothing. I would be confused as to what I was doing with a child. One day, I'm not sure how, we'll call it "mother's will", I snapped out of it. I went to a therapist and got my life back. It was just her and I agaisnt the world. And I didn't want it to be. It was unfair to Lily to only have to rely on me. I dated anyone I could. Alphas, beta, even other omegas. And nothing stuck. So, excuse me if I feel unlovable. But that's just because I am. And yeah, maybe I am head over ass in love with _her_ , but it doesn't matter. She'll never love me back. You can write all of that in your precious little book." You sat down heavily in you desk chair.

"Y/N-"

"I'm going to get your case transferred to one of my colleagues. I probably shouldn't have taken it in the first place."

"Can we please talk about this?"

"We just did. All of that talking pushed me to another conclusion actually. Not only am I unlovable, I'm simply unobtainable. No one deserves me."

"Come on. That's not true. At least not the first part. You're extremely loveable. You'd know that if you just talk to her. And sure, maybe no one deserves you. But could you at least let her try?" Jisoo spoke with a severe intensity that made your shoulder's tense.

You swallowed a large lump in your throat, "Please, leave." 

Chaeyoung rolled her eyes before practically stomping out the room. Jisoo stayed back for a few seconds longer. Only leaving with a shake of her head when she finally realized you really weren't going to listen to anything anyone had to say.

And you? You just cried.


	7. I should've done you better

_I need to be the one who takes you home. One more time, I promise after that, I'll let you go. Baby I don't care if you got her in your heart. All I really care is you wake up in my arms._

A knock at your door startled you. Normally, while Lily was at preschool, you were at work, but ever since that day you had been successfully avoiding it. And that was at least 4 weeks ago.

You walked over to it and look out the peephole. You rolled your eyes, and began to walk away from it.

"I didn't think you'd open the door. That's fine. I'll just yell through it." She chuckled to herself.

You paused. You didn't move further from the door, but you didn't get any closer either.

"Chae told me what happened."

That weasel! Why couldn't she just keep her mouth shut?!

"I know that was a month ago, but I still wanted to check on you. You wouldn't answer my calls."

You heard a small thud around where her head would be. You drew the conclusion that she had placed her forehead against the door.

"You gotta stop doing this to me, Y/N."

You swallowed heavily, "I'm sorry." 

"You used this party trick already, remember? Don't shut me out again."

Your lip quivered but you stayed quiet. This time you did get closer to the door. You rested your own forhead on it before sliding down and sitting with your back up against it. Your knees pressed into your chest.

"The first time you did, I was sure it was my fault. I'm still not completely convinced it wasn't. There were several things I shouldn't have done and I was sure it was what drove you away. I scared you off. I tried to call you, but you blocked my number. Your mom and sisters hate me, so it was no use calling them. I figured you were better off without me. "

"I wasn't." You whispered. If she heard you she didn't acknowledge it.

"You're so strong. It's one of the things I love about you. You didn't need me or any of us. But knowing you were strong and you'd be okay didn't make it hurt any less. And I get why you did it. I just wish you would have let me make that decision with you. It's my career and I love what I do, but if I had to choose between you and my job? I'd choose you everytime. Wouldn't even have to think about it."

"I didn't want to put you through that."

You hear her jacket rustle against the door.

"But that's the thing. You could have. You should have put me through it. In all honesty, I don't think what you think would have happened would have. Everyone knows I am an alpha. It's public knowledge. Probably would have been like when the news that EXO's Chen had a girlfriend and she was pregnant. That wasn't that big of a deal. People were over it like the next day."

You suddenly frowned, all that sadness bubbling over into anger, "Who told you?! Was it Chae?!"

"Who told me what?"

"That Lily's yours!" You stood up off the ground and faced the still closed door.

"Well, you just did. I had a hunch but you just confirmed it."

"You weren't supposed to-"

"Did you plan on taking that to grave? I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid. I look at her and I see you. But when she talks about the things she likes and the things she does I see me. I don't know how I couldn't."

"Do I scare you?" She asked softly, "Because you absolutely terrify me. Another thing I love about you."

You sort of wanted to claw your eyes out.

"Y/N. I love you. I'm in love with you. I have been since we met."

"There's a conflict of interest here." You mumbled against the door.

"There always will be. But who cares?!"

"She will."

"She'll get over it. She's resilient like that. A great personality trait if you ask me."

"That's not fair."

"What about this whole thing has been fair?!"

"I-"

"Open the door."

"..."

"Open the door, Y/N."

At this point you working off of purely stubborn fumes.

"Either you open the door or I break it down, and please don't make me do that 'cause I have a feeling I would do it wrong and my foot would get stuck in the hole I made and your neighbors would call the cops."

You giggled despite yourself.

"Three. Two. On-oh you opened it. I was starting think I was really going to have to shoulder this thing down."

You rolled your eyes, "What did you want?"

"To ask you a question."

You raised an semi-curious eyebrow.

"Do you love me?"

With just about every single fiber of your being. But could you tell her that? It all seemed so final. All so out of your control.

But apparently, telling her was out of your control too. A tentative "Yes." fell from your lips without you telling it to. She didn't seem too surprised that you admitted it. 

"That's good, because it would have been terribly awkward for the both of us when I did this."

You let out an embarrassing squeak when she kissed you. Your hands trailed up to the lapels of her bomber jacket. You sighed into the kiss. Or maybe that was a moan. You're not sure. It seemed a bit irrelevant at this point.

You hadn't lost control. Not completely. You know you haven't because if you had you'd probably be stripping down to your birthday suit by now.

But none of that made this any less scary. Maybe you weren't unlovable or unobtainable. But you sure were pitiful, and scared, and in love. And yes, those are all synonymous. But, this was the first time that being any of that seemed worth it.

You broke the kiss as an excuse to catch your breath. 

"I have to go pick up Lily." You said as if just remembering 

"Oh."

"Do you want to come with me?"

"I'd love to."

"Then let's go."

And yes, that was all fine and dandy, but now you had to think. About what to say and how to go forward and how to let someone down.

Things were looking up though. At least after all of that was over. You could finally be bappy. Something you had been trying to achieve for years, something you weren't sure you could be. You could finally have it, even with how hard you fought it for a second there.

It all seemed a little too good to be true.

But that was just because you were cynical. A believe it when you see it kind of person. Now, you were seeing it.

And it wasn't a mirage like everything up until this point had been.


	8. Burn baby burn

_Because when I see you, my heart gets hot._

You had a horrible history with decision making. That was just a known fact really.

Your mom knew that. Your sisters knew that. Hell, you're pretty sure Lily knew that at this point.

Decisions and you just didn't get along. 

And maybe that's what made you hesitate.

It was her. It was _always_ her. And you knew that.

If?

And?

But?

That's what you had been reduced to.

You were in love. Had been since you met her, and yet.

What were you really afraid of?

Well, for one, you didn't want anyone's broken heart on your hands.

But that couldn't be avoided no matter what you did. 

Your biggest obstacle of all?

Yourself.

And the sub-header under that read: Change.

And the sub-sub-header: Loss of Control.

That's what this all came down to more or less.

Would you have control over yourself? Or better yet, could you control yourself? 

The answer to that question was 'No'. Plain and simple. But you're slowly coming to the conclusion that may not be nearly as bad of a thing as your making it seem.

See, you had learned something over the last four years. You had an interesting definition of love. One you had never really reached with Jennie. Which is not to say you weren't in love with her, because you were. It's to say, you didn't know what love was. But now you do.

You knew, at the time, you and Lisa were in lust. You're reluctant to admit that maybe you had been emotionally cheating on Jennie with Lisa. You think you might have been in love with both of them at one point, in some sort of confusing roundabout way that, honestly, probably doesn't even make any sense.

But that was then.

This is now.

Now, you know what love is.

Now, you know what being in love is.

You owe all of your learning to your daughter.

She taught you so much and she didn't even know it.

You're not sure how you even thought you knew what love was before she came into your life. 

Lily was the embodiment of unconditional, constant, and everything good in this world.

Lily was your perfect thing. The one thing you could never mess up, simply because you wouldn't let yourself. 

She's a symbol of love between two people who didn't even understand the concept.

Lily was your heart. Through and through.

You're going to give up a peice of your heart. Meaning, you're going to have to give up a peice of her too. 

She had been all yours. Your heart had been all yours. For four damn years. Maybe you never had the right to hoard that all for yourself in the first place.

You never had the right to deprive your heart of a family. Lily deserved everything she could possibly want, and you were simply too stubborn to give it to her.

You now know what love is.

Lily taught you that love is not about complacency. Lily taught you that love is not about settling or being comfortable or serenity. At least not all of the time and definitely not at first.

Lily taught you that love isn't pretty 24/7. Sometimes that precious love cries at 2 am for no other reason than it missed you. Sometimes that precious love goes through the terrible twos at ages one, two, three, and four. 

And other times? That precious love jumped into your arms when you picked it up from school. That precious love smiled up at you softly simply because you were there.

Lily taught you that love isn't luxurious, but it's definitely worth it.

There were some things that you had taught yourself.

You had never quite unlocked the full extent of things without outside help, but you had gotten close.

Your observations drove you crazy.

You had to teach yourself through acronyms. Your teaching was bass ackwards.

You learned that the opposite of love wasn't hate. It was loss. It was pain. It was confusion. All of those things? Acronyms. They were all acronyms but you could call them synonyms just as well.

You learned that every single thought you had ever had was confusing.

You needed someone to lighten the load. 

You needed someone who will listen when you're feeling overwhelmed (and oh boy will that be often).

You needed someone who will play with Lily when you've had it up to here with toddler shenanigans.

You needed someone who will be your other half. Pick things up when you drop them. Tell you things are okay with they most definitely aren't.

You needed someone who will help you lose control.

You needed who you want.

And who you want is...

~~~

"Hey, can we meet up for coffee or something?" You're on the phone, but staring down at Lily, who is staring back up to you in return. 

She suddenly threw her arms into the air, indicating she wanted to be picked up. You rolled your eyes but placed the phone inbetween your ear and your shoulder to complete the task.

"Um, yeah. I guess. I'll try to sneak away from here within the hour." She sounded more confused than anything else. You expected that. This was kind of out of the blue. But you had to make sure you did it before you lost the nerve.

"Thank you." You're not sure why you said that and you feel terribly awkward after you do, but whatever.

"I get coffee too?" Lily asked while she fiddled with one of the many necklaces around your neck.

You kiss her on the cheek, "I have a sneaking suspicion that you wouldn't like it. You're going to stay here with Kiara, while mommy does grownup stuff." 

Lily pouted for a second before ultimately shrugging and gesturing for you to place her back on the ground.

"Bye bye." She said before scurrying back to the playroom where Kiara was.

You took a deep breath before opening the front door, "Now or never."

~~~

You were sitting in front of each other. Silently.

You were staring at her wide-eyed while she sipped on her coffee. You had been too nervous to order any.

"So, what's up?" She finally asked. She had never been one for inconvenient silence and you're sort of thankful for the push.

"I'm sorry." You blurted out.

She blinked, "About what?"

You sighed heavily, your hand coming up to rub the stress off of your face, "Leading you on."

It must be sinking in for her now, if her frown deepening is anything to go by.

"I think I was in denial for a while there. In denial that we could ever be more than we already have been."

"Is it her?"

"It always was."

Her eyes squinted a little at the implications of your words, but she relaxed a few milliseconds later.

"Thank God."

"Huh? You're not upset?" Your eyebrows furrowed.

"Oh, I absolutely am. I loved you. I just rather it be her than some complete stranger. I'd have to pay someone to kill them or something."

"I'm not even going to pretend that made any sense to me. I don't want this to come between you." 

She shrugged, indifference playing across her face, "The girls and I made a pact a long time ago that we wouldn't ever let a significant other come between us. We'll be fine. Eventually."

You squinted at that revelation. That sounded a bit objectifying but you'll let it slide for now.

"Oh, stop making that face. She loves you."

You eyed her heavily, taking in every possible inflection in her face as you possibly could, "And you?"

Half of her face was covered by the Starbucks cup cleverly positioned in front of it, but you could tell that she found the question a bit amusing.

"Me? I'll get over it. I'm resilient. A great personality trait you're missing out on if you ask me."

You can't tell if she's joking or not. You're leaning towards not.

"I still want us to be friends." You mumbled, staring at your hands on the wood table.

"And we can be. I'm just going to need some time."

You nodded in a minute gesture, "I get it. Just don't take four years like I did."

She only glanced at you out of the corner of her eye. And didn't speak further. You took that as your queue to leave.

You grabbed your belongings and headed for the door.

One down, one to go.


	9. I let you get this best of me

_You are the sole person I've been searching for. Yeah you are. I think I’ll go crazy thinking of you._

You stood at the door impatiently. You had been staring at your front door for twenty minutes now. Willing it to sound with the telltale knock that she was here.

You had texted her something along the lines of 'hurry it's an emergency' and she said she'd be here right away. So. Where the hell was she?

Didn't she get it? You were aching and throbbing. You were shaking and vibrating. You were in _heat_. And she was just letting you stew in it like some....stew.

Time is of the essence on days like today.

After another twenty minutes (actually it's only five minutes) she arrived. You opened the door before she even got a chance to knock. You could just sort of tell she was there.

Her eyes widened in surprise, "Whoa. Where's the fire?"

Now would be a great time to say something cheesy like "In my pants" or something like that, but instead you settle for jumping at her and kissing her.

She kissed you back, even if she was surprised and just a little bit scared. That went on for a few more seconds before she seemed to get her wits about her.

She broke the kiss with a curious smile. Then, after actually looking you in the eye and taking in her surroundings, she realized something.

"God Y/N, are you in heat?" She already knew the answer. You smelled amazing. Almost like cinnamon, fresh laundry and a whole lot of home. 

"You're so smart." You said sarcastically, just a bit mad about the not kissing anymore thing, but she needed to have some things cleared up first. 

She had to ask her questions now because once you were really immersed in the throws of your heat, there wouldn't be much of any coherency on your part for a while.

"And you want me to help you through it. Do you want to be my girlfriend?" 

"Yes, Lisa."

Lisa placed her fists on her hips and puffed out her chest a little, "Cool."

"Really? I'm trying to have hot sex with you and you choose now to be a dork?"

"Hey-"

You latched back on to Lisa's lips with a deep groan. She chuckled into it softly.

"Where's your kid?" 

"Your kid is with my mom."

Lisa's eyes widened in panic,"Your mom? Oh no. Does she know we're doing this? She hates me."

You were three seconds away from petulantly stomping your foot like your four year old. None of that mattered right now. You were in heat for fuck's sake. You glared at her.

"I know, but stop jumping me for a second."

Clearly Lisa had no idea what it was like to be in heat. Calming down for a second was just about out of the question.

"I'm going to text Jisoo and tell her to distract your mom for a little longer. Your mom loves Jisoo. It'll work."

Lisa fiddled with her phone for a few minutes, before throwing it onto the coffee table. She looked back at you with a smirk.

"When the hell did you get naked?!"

You didn't quite know when you got naked either. You shrugged. It had been necessary. You felt like you were burning from the inside out.

Lisa looked around the room. There was a couch nearest to you, but she be damned if she let your first time (sober) be on your white leather couch. She also had a feeling you'd kill her for that when you came to.

You blinked lazily up at Lisa. She held out a hand to you, then set about practically dragging you into your bedroom.

Once you were situated on the bed, you dragged your hands down your body. You bad been ready to get this show on the road since tou had woke up in a cold sweat that morning.

Lisa was practically fighting with her clothing to get it off of her. It was only a tank top and sweatpants, what she had been wearing when you texted her, but apparently the difficulty was still high.

Once she was finally free of all articles she set her gaze back on you.

"You weren't just messing with me when I asked about your heat." She gestured to you with a head nod. Your hand had been exploring between your own legs.

You shrugged, still only mildly aware of anything other than the pleasure you were practically begging to experience, "I may embellish the truth but I don't lie to you. I can't."

Lisa ran her hand up the length of your side. You pressed herself into the cooling touch as much as you could.

"You're not going to change your mind make me stop are you?" Lisa asked. She was smirking, but she was definitely being completely serious.

You couldn't stop her even if you wanted to at this point. 

You shook your head a little wildly, "No. Now, please fuck me."

Lisa chuckled softly, "Yes, unnie."

You've never rolled your eyes so hard at something in your life. You were only 2 years older than her, and she chose now to remind you.

Maybe, you should change your mind.

Though, that thought was all but thrown out the window when Lisa nipped at your straining neck.

"Lisa." You whimpered.

Lisa hummed, she slid up to your ear, a direct contrast to her left hand which was slithering down your stomach to replace your hand between your legs.

You convulsed in response to Lisa's fingers coming into soft contact with your center.

"Please." You panted. Lisa hummed again and you could practically feel it.

Her lips grazed over your ear teasingly. She easily batted away your hand and circled her fingers.

"You're like really pretty." 

Lisa occupied her opposite hand with trailing her fingers over one of your nipples, drawing a small gasp from you.

You keened, your left hand reaching to cling onto Lisa's shoulder, urging her to provide you with more.

Lisa's lips smashed down onto yours.

And you finally gave up that last bit of control you had been clinging onto. What purpose would the ruse hold at this point. This point where you're naked and aching underneath her.

Eventually, Lisa picked up the pace.

Her fingers left the tenderness of your clit to instead meet your entrance. Her index finger slipped almost embarrassingly easy into you.

You moaned loudly, you back arching enough to push you into Lisa's chest lightly.

"You're soaked." She continued to pump her finger in and out slowly. Pleasantly distracted by the pleasure playing across your face.

You were pretty much gasping now.

"More. Please." 

Another finger of the alpha's slipped into you, the resulting whimper is the loudest one yet and just as telling as the rest.

She pulled out then pushed back in slowly, her palm pressing on your swollen center.

Lisa increasedher speed even without your urging. She just knew what you needed and when.

Your mewls and whimpers grew in pitch and frequency. Hips bucked up into Lisa's hand on just about every thrust.

"God!" 

You released into Lisa's hand soon after. Eased over the edge by her light nips where your neckand shoulder meet.

After taking a much needed break to catch breath, you pulled Lisa closer to you and in for a impatient kiss.

Lisa settled herself between your legs, lining herself up with your entrance. She kept a close eye out for any signs of discomfort from you.

You took in a sharp breath. Most of your lip caught between her teeth, as Lisa pushed into you.

You both groan simultaneously.

It was obvious that neither of you would last long. Not with all that waiting you've been doing, and all the teasing you've been putting Lisa through.

Her hips picked up speed on their own accord. Your other hand came to grip at Lisa's shoulders in response.

"Faster, Lisa." Lisa agreed easily, squaring up her hips and picking up the pace. She pounded into you below her, moaning deeply as she did.

You stretched her neck as she released suddenly, a by product of your arching back. Lisa groaned lowly. 

The delicate skin of your neck doesn't break when Lisa marked it. Any pain that you would have felt is quickly overcome by the relief you feel of your heat subsiding for now.

You clenched around Lisa, causing her to finally fall over the edge. You're thrown into another gentler spasm at the feeling of Lisa spilling inside of you.

She carefully flipped so you were resting comfortably on her chest.

"I'm proud of us. Didn't think we had that in us."

You rolled your eyes at, "You're such a dork."

"But I'm your dork."

"Fortunately or unfortunately."

"Hey!"

You were both silent for a few moments. Then you started speaking.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For making this way harder than it should have been. I love you, that should have been enough." You tucked your face into her shoulder.

"You don't work like that, and I get it. You had a lot to think about. If this had been easy, I don't think it would have worked out."

You nodded slowly. That heat fog slowly leaking back into your vision.

"I guess you're right."

"Better late than never."

A few seconds later, you're back into the throws of your heat. You hoped Lisa brought a water bottle or something, because you fully planned on completely depleting her strength.

~~~

Lisa was willing to bet two things. The first one: You were definitely trying to attempt revenge on her during your heat. Either for calling you 'unnie' or for dropping you when she attempted to place you into the bathtub. In her defense, you were slippery from all the sweating you two had been doing during your activities.

The second thing she was willing to bet: You were pregnant.

She had no proof other than seeing you every day for the last three weeks. 

It was a benefit of being mated. She could kind of just tell. You hadn't been having any mood swings or weird cravings and you weren't throwing up...yet...but you had been extra clingy with both Lisa and Lily.

You would cuddle under as many blankets as you could find into Lisa's side, and Lily on your lap.

Yep, she was about 89% sure you were pregnant. But she'd just wait for you to find out yourself. It was more entertaining that way.

She eyed you curiously from her place across from you at the marble island in your kitchen.

You looked up with a curious eyebrow, "What?"

"...Why me?"

You blinked in surprise at the question. Then sighed, "Remember when we met? It was just you and me. I was supposed to be Jisoo's English teacher, but you had suddenly decided that you needed one too. You had somehow found me before everyone else and wasted all of your free time getting to know me. That's why."

"Because I talked to you first?"

"No. Because you went out of your way to talk to me first. I think it was only a week before you had tricked me into falling in love with you." You smiled fondly at the memory.

"Then why'd you go out with Jennie?"

That was a good question. You weren't entirely sure of the answer, but you knew at least part of it, "She asked me out, and you didn't. I said yes because what the hell and things just went on from there. But what does any of that matter now. I don't want to build a family with Jennie. I'm not in love with her. I want that with you." You were sure of that.

"I want that with you too." Lisa said softly. You bounded around the counter, so you were standing in front of her.

"Good, because I'm pretty sure that little performance we put on a few weeks ago gave Lily a sibling."

Lisa faked a surprised gasp, "What?! Your pregnant? Never could I have known!"

"Hop off it. You've been looking at me funny for the last week. You probably knew before I did." You playfully swatted at her shoulder.

"Yeah, I had a feeling. But hey that's a good thing. Now, you're really stuck with me."

"Another successful trick on your part."

Lisa smiled brightly, "I love you."

" _I love you, too_."


	10. This love's important

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait. College started again and things got hectic, to say the least. Anyway, here's the very last chapter for you. I hope you all enjoyed the story.

_Touch me like you touch nobody  
Put your hands all up on me  
Tired of hearing sorry  
Kiss and make, kiss, kiss and make up ___

__You stared at your wife with a glare so intense she seemed to be afraid she'd melt into the ground. Which was obviously a problem because she was holding your two small children._ _

__The last year or so since you and Lisa had finally got together had been...interesting to say the least._ _

__There was crying and whining and cuddling and things more than cuddling and fighting and everything that you would expect a healthy relationship to go through._ _

__Being married to Lisa Manoban was hard. She was still an idol, even if BLACKPINK were slowing down. No one would ever begin to forget her. And you think she liked it that way. But sometimes it was hard to navigate. Hard to get to the grocery store when you were running low on diapers and strawberries. Hard to get a cup of coffee with anyone other than your wife at risk of being labeled a cheater._ _

__But you powered through it together. Because that's what you and Lisa do. Power through things. Together._ _

__Though, this argument you're having right now, you're not sure you're going to be able to come back from._ _

__"Lalisa Manoban."_ _

__"Oh. My whole name? I'm in trouble."_ _

__You rolled your eyes, "How many times have I told you to stop holding my kids like that."_ _

__Lisa looked down at the children in her arms with a frown, "They love this. Look Leo is laughing." Lisa raised Leo up to her eye level as if you clearly couldn't see him._ _

__She was holding him by the hood attached to his onesie. She had saw it in a viral video once and had since taken to doing it whenever she thought she would get away with it._ _

__And yes, Leo was indeed laughing, but he was a baby he didn't know what was actually going on._ _

__Lily, for her part, was being cradled like a football into Lisa's midsection. Lisa had also found this funny. Lily looked more resigned than Leo did, but she wasn't in any distress._ _

__But. That was beside the point._ _

__"Okay, and what if you drop one of them?"_ _

__Lisa seemed moderately offended by the question, "I won't." Drop her children? She'd sooner drop herself out an open window._ _

__You only glared further. Lisa eventually rolled her eyes before setting Lily down on to the floor and repositioned Leo the correct way in her arms._ _

__You smiled, "Thank you. Now, come on. We're going to be late for the book release party."_ _

__"I've already read the book. Hell, I lived the book. Why do we have to go? I've been gone all week and I finally get some free time with you and my kids."_ _

__"We're going because we're good people." You had this argument already too, you just wanted to have a lazy day in bed with your family as much as the next omega, but you had promised Rosé that you would be there. And like always, Lisa had other plans. You're afraid she's becoming sentient._ _

__Lisa mumbled under her breath, "We weren't good people last night."_ _

__You gasped, scandalized, and hit her on the bicep. She only giggled and shrugged._ _

__"Why are you being like this today?"_ _

__"Being like what?"_ _

__"Like-Like...well I don't have a word for it, but whatever it is, I don't like it."_ _

__Lisa sighed heavily and her shoulders sagged._ _

__"Babe. I told you. I just want to spend time alone with my wife and kids without interruption. Even last night we were interrupted eventually. I miss you."_ _

__Your face softened into a pout, "Baby, I'm right here." Lisa pulled you into her, your head resting in the crook of her neck, opposite to your son who had since fallen asleep._ _

__"You know what I mean. I either have schedules or you're working your ass off like the badass you are. We haven't been able to spend more than three hours together in the past month. I miss my wife. I miss my kids. So, can we please skip this one thing. We'll make it up to Chae one day."_ _

__Your own shoulders slumped and you relaxed further into your wife. You nodded profusely, "Yes. I'm sorry. We can stay. I love you far more than you can imagine."_ _

__"You have nothing to be sorry for. Sometimes, you have to be a little selfish. I've loved you since we met."_ _

__"Wasn't I selfish when I kept your daughter away from you?" You mumbled into her neck._ _

__"Nope. Just scared. When are you going to forgive yourself for that? I'm over it. I got you and Lily. Hell, Jennie's over it. And I'm not supposed to tell you this, but she's dating someone. "_ _

__"I'm getting there. I promise. We'll revisit this Jennie dating thing later."_ _

__Lisa rubbed her hand down your back, landing on your ass somehow innocently, "That's all I ask. In your defense, I should have figured it out sooner. You did name her Lily after all."_ _

__You giggled, "Actually, that had nothing to do with you. I just really liked the name."_ _

__"Whatever helps you sleep at night." You slapped her stomach playfully._ _

__You reluctantly peeled yourself out of her arms, "Come on, let's go cuddle with out kids."_ _

__"I can't think of a better way to spend a sunday night."_ _

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all, this is my first BP fic, so please go easy on me. Also, I just wanted to say yes this is a love triangle book, and yes I already know the ending pairing. I don't think you'll be left in the dark until the end, depends on how good you are at picking up on clues. 
> 
> Well anyway, please vote and comment.


End file.
